On Being A Reject...
Monique | Saturday, April 2, 2011 at 12:34AM I hope you're sitting down.
You should be, I mean, who reads blogs while standing? That's just weird. Not to say I've never danced with my laptop or anything, but I usually do all my blog reading as I'm sitting at my desk. Well, I guess if you were reading via cell phone, standing would be acceptable, still and all, you should probably be sitting.
The following revelation may shock you...
I don't "fit in" well.
I know right?! ME? The 5 foot, loud-mouthed wonder dork from Brooklyn? The soon to be 27 year old in the dinosaur hoodie with the four Minions, the sarcastic banter, the Sanrio/glitter/knee high sock/electronic gadget/... addiction?
SHOCKER, I say.
I started blogging when I realized I didn't fit in at home either. Which is odd, how can one be a black sheep among a herd of black sheep? When I began, it was so nerdy I just knew I'd nudge my way into the circle and the rest of the bloggers would embrace me like I'd always been there.
Except, that didn't really happen. When I started blogging, no one else was doing it, and the few who did were much older than I was. So, I watched the 'sphere grow as I did the same.
I got married, had a child, got divorced, la di da, more children, more heartache, a ton of blogs in the process. You know, those old chestnuts...
Fast forward to today, Razing Mayhem is almost a year old and if I say "I'm blogging this." no one really thinks I'm that weird any more. {Except for Christian, who will always shake his head at me.}
I still naively believe that since I'm a mom, I'll just plop my ass on the floor with these here other moms and talk about how awesome our kids are and compare notes and stuff.
SNORT!
I've never felt more like the smelly kid in class than I do today.
I love to read multiple authored sites, but I can very rarely relate to anything they write, even though some claim to have so many different perspectives on life and motherhood - I usually look at them because they have the inside scoop on the cool kid stuff and for that rare occasion that I can share an entry and say "Dudes. I totally get what this woman is talking about."
I hate to be that person. But I'm going to supply some links for you, take your pick and implore you to have a glance.
One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight. Notice a trend?
If there's any diversity at all {and I don't just mean ethnically, have a look at some of the sites, what the bloggers share pictures of and write about.}, there's very little.
I am not the first to notice, the lack of diversity, in the blogging "community".
I asked via Twitter, if there were any diverse, popular, multi-authored blogs/vlogs, etc and I was regarded with a direct message that made me seethe.
{Also, no one provided an answer to my question.}
I was asked by this person, if I couldn't relate to the "popular moms" {and yes, that's verbatim} why wouldn't I stick to the ethnicities and lifestyles that I could relate to?
{insert the sound of my head positively exploding}
1: Aside from the fact that I'm the least Latin Latina on the block; knowing little more Spanish than "Damn your mother!", the very literal translation of "Like coffee?", "I'd like 1-10 shots of tequila, please." and "Where is the discotheque?". I have even less knowledge of my culture as a whole.
2: REALLY? "Bitch, stick to yo' kind."? Am I forced to make like Jarritos and target every Latino blogger simply because they're "like" me?
If I could find another group of mothers I could relate to and with, I wouldn't have ASKED if such a community or blog existed, douche.
There are a whole host of other aspects that distance me from the "popular" table, it seems.
I didn't quit a high profile career to raise our chirrens, my husband is not a doctor and we're not rolling in dough. We live in an apartment, in this sprawling city, my kitchen is the size of a pea, there are no bay windows in this bitch. I totally just said "bitch" twice in this entry, obviously I know very few censorship boundaries. We replaced the standard Candyland tokens with Random Lego Guy, Badtz Maru flash drive, Batman and The Joker because I was sick of getting stuck with the fucking yellow gingerbread dude.
Clearly that means I have nothing valuable to contribute, my life is gravely inferior and thus I can't, and shouldn't try to, consort with anyone outside of my race, my "class"?
I've applied to contribute on a few multiple authored websites, and in some cases received not a single word back. Like I wasn't worth the time to say "Sorry, I just hated your blog and can't see you being a part of this project."
The few times I've tried to branch out and attend "tweet ups" and the like, I've been met with resistance. "Well yeah, you can show up because you live in the area/because you like taking pictures/you blog/you're a mom. But, you're really NOT invited because you're not one of us, you're not a part of this clique."
It's a big reason I've decided not to attend any conferences, despite desperately wanting to go to BlogHer and I've since abandoned my plans to attend Type A Parent, though it's fairly close to where we'll be in North Carolina.
Being rejected online is one thing, being rejected in person is an entirely different story.
Is it because of my ethnicity? Because I don't roll up to mixers in a luxury whip? Because I just referred to my vehicle as a "whip"? Because I don't write well enough, or because I don't call a "big blogger" my bff?
I love not feeling a need to moderate comments. I don't sit here expecting my latest entries to go viral and I am never disappointed when they don't. I appreciate all of the comments, emails, facebook "fans" and Twitter mentions I receive. And I am very pleased that I've been afforded some great and interesting opportunities and know there will be more to come, despite how picky I am about what lands here.
I don't believe that my blog is "unsuccessful" by any regards, I've surpassed my beginning goals and have no desire to take this blog to the level where I start to sound like I'm owed something for writing the words that have saved me from utter hysteria.
I'm comfortable in my being a "radical", and I wouldn't change who I am to fit in anywhere. But, am I really so subversive that I have no place at all, or is there something more I'm being judged against?
Monique
I looked through my old photobucket album and look what I found!
Bwahaha! I put this together when I got peeved because so few pixel artists made their pixel tubes in different skin tones, and thus I couldn't use them for my own personal signature tags or web designs.
Looks like I've always had a gripe. I completely forgot about this!
{Tubes/Outlines from Periwinkle Pixels, now closed & Rosey Posey Pixels.}
Reader Comments (14)
I love you and I hate that you feel like a reject because you are so not.
You're amazing, your words are wonderful, and you're beautiful.
If I were to go to a meetup group where you were, I'd walk up to you and tell you that I fuckin love your hoodie and then we'll go get coffee and go roam the streets and have random dance parties.
Screw them, Mo.
Noooo!
I am one of the bloggers on Baby Led Weaning Blog and I will have you know that it is the FIRST mama community I feel like a part of. And even then, I'm still watching my mouth. Even though we are all white semi-crunchy moms, I am not religious or a military wife like many of them are. I don't think I know a single other atheist mom blogger. I feel like my income level is much lower than almost every mama blogger out there. I'm too into style to be a mom blogger but too into my kid to be a fashion blogger. ... Hmm maybe I should make this into my own post, as I could go on & on here.
And if we speak to race, I'm a light-skinned mutt married to a full-blood Korean and nursing a half-breed baby. :)
I guess what I'm getting at is, I feel ya. And maybe those bloggers don't actually have as much in common as you think.
Also, I was TOTALLY on the blog scene early (like 10+ years ago) and it was decidedly NOT cool then. I was called a web geek by my friends and everyone else just thought I was weird. Joke is on them now (I guess).
Like, wait, seriously? This is my most FAVORITE-est blog ever. I love reading your blog and feel like I connect with you. I understand where you are coming from. I sit to write at my blog for me, not everyone else. If I get a comment, it's nice. But I don't sit and stare and wait to see who thinks what of my latest post. I reserve all that for my business.
All that said, you rock. I love your posts, I enjoy your humor and views on life, and I think you are freaking hilarious. Keep it up, girl, and damn the man (or in this case, blogosphere) that disagrees with your style!
maybe we can start a misfit mom blog conference? :)
i've really enjoyed tweeting with you and checking out your hello kitty links. i even looked for hello kitty duct tape at wal-mart today (no luck)! and i just added you to my very first twitter list. i hope you feel loved.
I've been blogging since 2004 and I *never* attended a conference until this year. I was only comfortable with that one because it was small and I knew I wouldn't feel overwhelmed with forcing myself to socialize with a bunch of people who knew each other...but not me. I think most people worry that someone called "snarky momma" is going to be a bitch in real life. I'm not!
Actually, it wasn't that bad. Scratch that - it was really nice. Everyone was friendly, and I guess it didn't hurt that I was wearing the cutest baby ever. It was a good jumping-off point. There were only a few dozen moms there so I didn't feel like I was the sore thumb.
I'm going to go to Type A because it's only a few hours away and my friend Kia is going. So...there'll be at least two people there who curse a lot and laugh loudly.
I think the more often people on the fringes "crash" mainstream stuff, the easier it'll be for like-minded people to find and use those resources, too.
Hrm. I got invited to be a part of a blogging community...I might be the only minority, but I should jump at the chance, I think. Or create one. It's tough being different, but definitely don't hide. It's important to get your viewpoint out there. We'll always be outnumbered...but shouldn't avoid being outspoken.
Thanks, Pam. <3
Janine, I am in the love with BLW blog, obviously the only thing I have in common is the "uncommon" way I've chosen to feed my smallest babe. I'm also an Atheist, which ostracizes me regularly, so I'm used to being set aside for that. And hells yes, to blogging forever ago! When Blogspot first came around I was on it, writing all sorts of embarrassing things, hahaha!
{Not to say much has changed now!}
Ack, Cody, thank you! I have always loved writing in my journals and blogs and of course, love all of the feedback I receive, but if everyone stopped commenting, if no one read, I'd still be here driving everyone crazy like it's my job. :D
YES! A misfit mom bloggers conference that I would probably not attend since I'm such a misfit! Hahaha!! Kimberly, I've enjoyed tweeting with you as well, and reading your blog and I'm pretty sure my husband is purposely keeping me away from Target, but I will find this tape, I will.
Ah, true, Tiffany! It's weird I didn't think of that since I'm so "Normalize breastfeeding, I nurse in public, screw covering, muahahaha!!" everywhere, but never thought about normalizing diversity. Maybe I'll have to remove my plans from the trash and look over them. Since we're leaving late April instead of May, I have time to prepare for a June conference, definitely. Hrmmmm...
Tyrone, you should definitely do it! You could be making it easier for so many others to get involved. I used to hide, and in a lot of ways I still do; it took me months and many requests to create a facebook page that I still don't know what to do with, I want to apply for sponsorships to conferences but fear actually going to the conference, unless it's a special post I usually only allow my feed to publicize my newest entry the one time, so as not to annoy anyone... however, I'll certainly try to make some noise as long as I have an outlet to do so. It may just take me some time, to get used to.
Thank you all for the perspectives! :D
You're freakin awesome. I love you and your blog. I've never fit in and I hate crowds. Large groups of pushy ass people just freak me out in general. And snobby as bitches make me violently angry. With their stupid pretty clothes and pretty cars. All the while stressing "we don't make much $ and I'm unemployed" and how the frack to do you drive an Escalade let alone put gas in the beeyoch???
I love that you are YOU. Keep it up.. :)
First time commenter, but have lurked for a while. I love your blog and your quirkyness.
Have you read http://offbeatmama.com/. I think it would be right up your alley.
Maria, yes! I have, it's one of my favorites! Thank you for commenting, too. :)
Becky, I've found myself asking similar questions, bwahaha!! Thank you for the compliments. :D
I'm seriously so happy I found your blog. I can so relate to this. Have you had any luck finding anyone similar to you or a circle for us?
No, Xenia I haven't really, but I am still on the lookout. Of course, I did attend a conference - which has changed my opinion on conferences a little - but to say I fit in there even, would be a stretch. I WAS accepted as a mother, as a blogger, as someone there to learn and grow - but as a friend, as part of a circle - I was not. But that takes time!
I love your blog, your tweets and the random crap you come up with. I love seeing pictures of your adorable children and despite the fact that you love Harry Potter more than my Potter-freak friend IRL ;o) I think you're the coolest person I've managed to find online. That includes the three "big time bloggers" I follow on Twitter. I've given up reading their blogs because I feel inferior to their lifestyles of SAHM with money. I've also found that it's not just enthicity that keeps you from being able to fit in, it's that damned money again. My income is MY income. No husband and no boyfriend who gives me the option of staying home or not. I'm also lacking a college degree so I'm resigned to horrible retail and other minimum wage jobs that require I blog about not having said money and trying to single parent a child on that sad income. No one wants to read that! (Apparently.) I feel your pain and while I'm much newer to the blogosphere and have not tried my hand at writing guest blogs or anything like that, I'm pretty positive that I'll be rejected. I don't wear the latest fashions and neither does my toddler. I have no special insights to daycare/schooling/homeschooling and I never was able to breastfeed (to my great dismay). All I have to contribute is myself. *shrug* But yeah. You're cool. You're the cool mom of the group, you just don't know it yet. :o)